just tell him i said nine months
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
