You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
