Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
