idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
