I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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