This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
