She is in my trunk
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
