You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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