My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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