what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
