I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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