i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize