he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
