Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
