I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
