can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
