remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
