I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
