went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
