his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
