apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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