May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
