Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Vodka?
Forever.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
