this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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