doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
