Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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