I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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