Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
