I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
