I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
