Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
