i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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