I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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