you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
