got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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