The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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