Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
