I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
