I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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