The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
