I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
