you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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