onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
