The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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