brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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