Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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