whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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