He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
