You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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