does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
