Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
