He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
