I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
