Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
