This girl is more easily done than said...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
