Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
