My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
