i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
