Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
