Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
