I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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