yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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