im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
