i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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