Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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