Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
