I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
