so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
