dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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