i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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