how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize