everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
