i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
