you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't deserve a penis
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
