I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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